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Peckham 3:19 Sat Feb 6
Kriss Akabusi
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Great interview on Hammers Chat.
Brought back memories of this nutty post for some reason.
Courtesy of Mad Dog.
Akabusi sat in his Vauxhall Corsa as it passed through the car wash humming the theme tune from Record Breakers. All the windows were soaped up and no one could see in so, for the briefest moments, he thought about having a w*nk. But his two kids were in the back so he decided against it.
After dropping them off at school, Akabusi was at a loss as to how to fill his day. He was delivering a motivational speech to a bunch of spastics tonight in Stevenage so he didn't want to over do it. He felt a twinge in his back. It had been aching since him and John Fashanu had wrestled naked in front of a roaring fire at Fash's £128,700 mansion in Hemel Hempstead. Akabusi had smashed a porcelain bust of Justin and he had had to leave.
Before he knew it he was at a massage parlour and had paid his £10 entry. Before he could get to the changing rooms he slipped out of his pin stripe dungerees and could feel the fragrant steam of the sauna tickle his massive balls like a poacher under a trout.
He applied a towel to his lower torso, barely able to conceal his pulsating ebony fire hydrant. He stepped into the room and lay down on the pleather massage table pushing his face through the hole and letting his cock hang over the side.
Behind him the door opened and Akabusi's pussy senses were raised to Severe. The aroma of chicken and sweetcorn soup and Morecambe Bay cockles hit him like a steam train and he knew right then that he would sire another child.
Small hands covered in oil began to explore his muscular, Nigerian coffee coloured bodywork. As the girl's hands reached his proud buttocks he tried everything in his power to conceal a huge fart he had been brewing since he'd parked in the multi storey car park.
When the girl slipped a greasy little finger up his April he let out a yelp and nearly roared "Awooga" but he stopped himself. The hands of the girl motioned him to turn over, which he duly did.
His eyes found a young Chinese girl wearing a little white tunic which he knew concealed a pair of juicy little bristols and almost certainly a clunge as ripe and yellow as a week old banana. As he lay on his back, blood rushed into his veiny Tower of Pisa quicker than Asians into a Cash And Carry at 8.59am. He lay there looking like a chocolate drawing pin as the girl starting applying more and more oil. He was so hard and tall that he worried slightly that the price of oil may be affected by his erection.
Her tiny hands kneeded his giant oak and at one point Akabusi half thought she was an Ewok trying to climb a Giant Red on Endor. He leapt up and ripped open her tunic revealing, as he had suspected, a gorgeous set of two tits, nipples as dark as Green and Black 70% and a pussy so wet and hairless he was reminded of Duncan Goodhew.
He dived into her like a released rapist and set about plunging into every orifice that was available and some that were not. Within hours he was on his vinegars and let rip with such a gush of spunk that the poor girl tried in vein to make a call to the Morecambe Bay coastguard.
Spent, sweating and panting Akabusi untangled his yawning plonker and slipped on his dungerees. The girl, who later from police reports he found was called Hi Tide Run, lay on the floor, a shredded mess of manfat, baby oil, matted hair and rice. Akabusi looked at his Casio watch/calculator and saw that the spastic thing started in 20 minutes. He bent down over the Chinese meal he had just demolished, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Grumpster
3:26 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Sat next to him at Wigan away the day we took about 10,000 fans there.
Taller than I thought he'd be!
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Takashi Miike
3:38 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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interview is here, six minutes in (lazy bollocks, peckham 😂)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=84AQx0T1XpE&t=9561s
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Vexed
1:41 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/exactlywhattothink.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/akabusi-fed-up-of-awooga-slur/amp/
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Mad Dog
1:45 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Courtesy of mad dog? I remember there was a thread a few years back, I don't recall adding this
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zebthecat
2:52 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLuaqNoxjro
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Tomshardware
2:58 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Seen him at a couple of away games, once sat next to an attractive blonde woman.
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Nurse Ratched
3:04 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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I don't get the joke.
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geoffpikey
3:36 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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He didn't say Awooga. That was Fashanu.
Awwwright!
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Bungo
3:53 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Nurse Ratched 3:04 Sat Feb 6
There were quite a few of these doing the rounds at one point (link below). As well as the 'Awooga' reference, they all followed a similar format, and were funny to those of a certain mentality (you know, men).
Enjoy!
https://krissakabusisexstories.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-02-05T11:21:00-08:00&max-results=7
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El Scorchio
4:02 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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For what they were, they were incredibly well written and creative with all the description and similes.
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Hammer and Pickle
4:03 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Almost certainly all written by a bookish lower-middle class spinster with a pince-nez from Dagenham.
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Nurse Ratched
4:05 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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It's a chap thing, then. Like 'sharks'. I respect that. Vive la difference.
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normannomates
8:26 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Don't know him, but grew up watching him back in the day giving it all he had.. top fella.. Ex PTI I believe?..
IF he was my PTI I reckon he would have knocked a fair few off my CFT.
RESPECT
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normannomates
8:31 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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I don't get the OP/mad dog at all.. Is it supposed to be funny like?
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normannomates
8:41 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Still homeless Crassus?... Sorry.. The swift and bold cunt
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normannomates
8:45 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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FFS..
Typo..
'SWIFT AND BALD'... ON THE DOUBLE YOU 2BOB CUNT
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normannomates
8:50 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Pathetic excuse of a man
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Mad Dog
3:59 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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Norman
I remember there was a kits akabusi sex stories thread a few years back.
I don't remember contributing to it
And if I had it would have been copied and pasted from somewhere.
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Crassus
4:38 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
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normannomates 8:41 Sun Feb 7
I haven't got a fucking clue what you are on about?
Never been homeless and up here in N Bucks, where I have been happily residing since leaving East Ham
And as for 'swift and bold' - well I suggest that you just say no!
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